[Hey, honestly, he'll accept it. He's the last person to fight against extra training. Probably because they need it, the more they have the better they'll function. All that good stuff.]
[He nods, ducking his head slightly to study the bowl instead.]
As close as we can get, out here. But yeah. [When he laughs a little, it's quiet, more rueful than anything.] One of the things I missed most.
[A meaningful silence passed between them and her expression softened. Allura probably knew better than most about feeling homesick. But unlike Shiro the rest of the paladins, they had a home to go back to. Everything she had ever known had been stripped from her. Her planet, her family, gone forever.]
I believe I know what you're feeling all too well. [Her tone was low and even.] I would find it more strange if you didn't feel a little homesick.
[And then promptly Shiro'a brain begins kicking itself. Repeatedly. Because how dare he bring up homesickness in the face of someone in her position? What right does he have? Out of all of them, Allura has lost the most. They all need to be aware of this. Him especially. And then he goes and discusses missing food like an idiot wow.]
[Outwardly, he just winces. And moves to put a hand on her arm. Going for reassuring.]
I'm sorry. I didn't think before I brought it up. [Also quiet. Reserved.] We can change the subject if you want to.
[Feeling a hand on her arm, Allura raised her eyes to meet his. For a tick she held it there before moving to put the spoon back in the bowl and placed her hand gently over his.]
I'm alright. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss Altea everyday but there are so many more just like me. The galra have taken so much for far too long. Instead of dwelling on circumstances beyond my control, I use that feeling to strengthen my revolve to rid the galaxy of Zarkon and his forces. I do not wish this pain on anyone else.
[For a moment, he stares at their hands. Surprised at the gesture. But touched, all the same. A little color blossoming in his face before he pushes the thoughts aside.]
That's really brave of you to say. And I know you mean it. Every word. [Because of course she does. She absolutely does.] None of us can guess what it feels like. But I want you to know, we're here for you. If you need us.
We're in this fight just as much as you.
[They have her back. She has theirs.]
[And then he shakes his head a little, looking down again.] ... I'd rather the others saw it, to be honest with you. Me? I don't know if there's anything for me to go back to.
I know you all are and for that I am grateful. You are the paladins of Voltron after all. Without you, none of this would be possible.
[Just as a smile was returning to her fave, it quickly vanished. Nothing for him to return to? Stopping to think, Allura realized she knew very little of Shiro's past beyond his imprisonment. And even then, it was spotty at best.
Seizing this opportunity to gleam more information about him, Allura leans forward her hand still on his.]
What do you mean you're not sure you'll have anything to return to? Don't you have family?
Same goes for you. Allura, we wouldn't be able to do this without you.
[If she weren't here, if she hadn't been there when they stumbled on the Castle, then... well. They'd just be lost in space. They wouldn't have been able to find the other Lions. Nothing.]
[The earnest expression on his face flickers when she turns the conversation back to him, blowing out a breath and pushing a hand through his hair.]
I... don't know if the concept is universal but... [He spreads his hands on the counter.] Technically, legally... I'm as good as dead back home.
Keith told me. Official story is my whole crew was lost. Pilot error. When that happens in space it's -- there's no coming back from that. Not for us.
Pilot error? [Allura repeated back those words in an almost incredulous tone, eyes fluttering.] Pilot error?! You are one of the best pilots I have known. How are they allowed to get away with such blatant lies?
[Straightening back up in her chair, Allura had all the air of one of those angry PTA moms ready to storm down to her son's school to give his homeroom teacher a firm talking to.]
You're a hero, Shiro. And you deserve to be welcomed back like one.
[He doesn't realize he's leaned away from the counter slightly. The force of her reaction is a surprise, to say the least. Maybe he should have expected it. Or at least figured she'd jump to the defense of her team...]
[But still:]
Allura, it's... [It's not okay. He knows that.] They wouldn't believe me even if I tried to tell them. They -- [And he feels his voice falter.] -- didn't.
[It's not something he's talked about. Only the other humans on their team know it.]
[The hesitation in Shiro's voice didn't go unnoticed, deflating some of her steam. Though, her feathers were still a little ruffled. He... tried? That made her heart grow heavy.]
I'm so sorry. That must have been awful. [Allura again leans toward to lean on the counter to look earnestly at him.] I don't know what will happen after we defeat the galra but you will always have a home here, at the Castle, with me.
[A beat passed before she realized what she just said and her eyes flickered wide as she flounder.]
And Coran! Coran and I. Both of us. Together at the Castle.
It's not your fault. I've... I'm just trying not to focus on it. We've got a job to do, right?
[There's a war going on. There are battles to fight and a team to manage. It's better not to think about it -- not dwell on being there, making it back and... and not finding even a scrap of the help he'd thought he would.]
[It's just for a moment. Just a brief flash of memory -- the desperate moments yelling at actual human beings who should have understood but won't listen, they're just like the aliens, they're... He fades out. He's not there until the words "with me" come up.]
[Mostly because she's just as flustered as he suddenly feels.]
It -- yeah, I. It wouldn't be the Castle without you. [Wait.] You guys.
[Yes! Shiro was right. There were bigger issues to be focused on. Like you know, staying alive long enough to even have the possibility of returning to ones home planet. Again, something nay change allowing Shiro to return, who can say? Although... There was a part of her that wanted him to stay. For her.
That thought darted across her mind and Allura felt her face grow warmer. She tried to push it aside.]
Coran and myself come with the Castle as part of the move in deal. [She chuckled.]
I know its far in the future to think about. However I wanted to let you know that you will have a place to fall back on. I know I would appreciate your company. If thats what you wanted.
[No innuendo or embarrassment or anything meant there, nothing but sincerity. It wouldn't be the Castle without her -- without either of them. This place would just... be empty. Literally and figuratively.]
[Besides... it's hard to picture any kind of life without them. Without her. It's just not something he wants to think about.]
Thank you. And... as of right now, I'm thinking I'll end up taking you up on it.
[Somewhere he didn't have to constantly explain himself, or what they'd all been through out here. He smiles, finally, and, before he can really check himself, puts a hand over hers.]
[Allura's heart leapt in her chest, her eyes quickly darting between their hands and his smile. What she felt towards Shiro was different from the rest of the paladins, that she knew to be true. But out of a sense of duty, she never allowed herself to admit it fully.
But you know what? Life is short. You never know what tomorrow may bring. She might wake up and another 10,000 years may have passed her by leaving everything she knew behind again.
Shifting her weight in her seat, Allura slowly leans in closer as she spoke.]
Shiro, I feel like I must confuse something. I may have... selfish reasons why I want you to stay.
[Just to emphasis her point, the hand under his slide out to lace their fingers together.]
[Some part of him definitely registers the change. The difference in tone and the way she leans forward more. The rest of him is too busy getting literally lost in her face. And eyes. And the marks under them.]
[Wondering if they feel different than her skin, somehow. And then kicking himself for wondering it, because how dare he? There's nothing appropriate about that thought. She's like their commander. She's... the heart of it all.]
I... [And then there are fingers in his.] Allura...?
[His brain may have short-circuited there.]
Fff Fff swear I can type. This is why I shouldn't write late at night OTL
[Welp, she is really doing this right now. Too late to back down. The words already left her mouth, which was starting to feel a bit dry. Commit to it.
By this point Allura was leaning halfway across the counter that seperated them, her blue eyes fixed on him trying to read his expression. Shock surely, yet maybe not grasping fully what she was trying to say. Her grip of his hand tightened slightly.]
What I'm trying to say is... I respect you a great deal Shiro. During our time together I have grown fond of you. Beyond the realm of just friendship. I... I habor feelings for you.
[THERE! She said it! Oh quiznak she actually said it! She's not panicking. You're panicking!]
[It's coming. It's dawning slowly, a light slowly brightening in a room. His eyes widening bit by bit. Looking between her face and their hands as she continues, and the weight of it all sinks in.]
[Honestly, for a minute, he feels like his heart is lodged so firmly in his throat, he could choke. Excitement, uncertainty and a weird sort of hope conspiring to make his one hand go cold.]
[At least there's only one palm to get sweaty.]
I ... [One word scratching its way out of his mouth. Both hands curling around hers, like some precious, vibrant thing. Everything else rushes in, like a tidal wave on his tongue -- how there are so many better people than him, how she deserves better, how...]
I think I'm dreaming. [Here goes. If it's really a dream, this will end like all the others.] Because I've... I care about you, too.
A lot.
[Not... as eloquent as he wanted, but it's. It's a start.]
[Allura could see Shiro slowly piecing everything together and her heart pounded in her ears. Nervously waiting for him to respond to the bombshell she had dropped on him, she hoped he couldn't feel how fast her pulse was racing through their joined hands. Calm down, everything will be okay. At best, he feels the same and they can talk about it and at worse... they go back to being friends and fighting the galra would be a welcome distraction.
When he finally found his words, cupping her hand in his refocused her attention. She involuntarily held her breath, hanging on every word. Half expecting him to add 'but' at the end she hesitated.
But it never came.
Wait. So he does feels the same? Right?... She didn't have the strength to fight the smile that now graced her face.]
I feel like the one that's needs to be pinched. [Shaking her head at herself.] By 'a lot' you mean...?
[He swallows. It's hard to get enough air, really. Because he's so focused on her. On what the answer is going to be. She'd already said she had feelings, but -- well. Maybe she'd change her mind. It's a possibility.]
[That's his luck, really.]
[Her hand is suddenly the most interesting thing in the room. Fingers running over her knuckles. Along her own fingers. Just for something to do with himself that doesn't entail fretting over what she's going to say next.]
[When she speaks, his answer is, immediately, a nervous laugh. Something halting and utterly unlike himself.] I uh. I guess that didn't help, huh?
I mean... [He can feel his face heat.] I mean I think I've had those feelings too.
[A huge sigh of relief escaped her as her whole body unclinch.]
Oh thank heavens. I thought my heart was going to give out. [Taking a moment to breathe easy, she gazed dotingly at him.] And I would do that again without a second thought.
[Then Allura bent over to place a soft kiss on the back of Shiro's knuckles. In all honestly, she would rather be aiming her lips a little 'higher', but the counter that divided them prevent that. She had half a mind to volt over it to be on the same side as him but... that wouldn't have been the most graceful of maneuvers and there was a high chance of her knocking over the bowl of green noodle cheese spilling it over both of them.]
[Okay, he has to laugh. It's halfway between incredulous and relieved, but it's real.]
You thought your heart was going to give out? I thought I'd pass out. [Or stop breathing. Or both. Both was an option right.]
[... Both seems like it's going to be an option when she combines the touch to his hand, the words. He never thought he could feel too warm and too cold at the same time. His hand doesn't shake, not like he thought it would, when he tilts it, curling over her cheek instead of her hand.]
I don't... ever want you to have to. You mean too much.
[The unexpected hand that caressed her cheek was a pleasent surprise and Allura couldn't help but to laugh airily along with him, nesting her face against it.]
You? Pass out? Now that would have been fun to explain to the others why I had to carry your unconscious body back to your room.
[Her lips tugged up into a smirk.]
And I could say the same for you. I hope for both our sakes that we never have to go through that again.
[Ah! This counter needed to go. Even though they were just feet apart, this distance was killing her. Jumping over was out. So the only way was... Reluctantly Allura pulled away from Shiro's touch to slip out of the chair to skate around to the other side, not entirely sure what her plan was once she there. And boy, she was there now.
Without a second thought, Allura just goes in to lean herself against him. Yes, this is much better. ]
[If this is a dream he's having, then he doesn't want to wake up, for once. This is one of the few he wants to keep having. Her face is warm -- he can't help but trace a thumb up the side, wondering if it's too much to touch her marking. If that's rude.]
Could just leave me here... say I fell asleep.
[Which is hilarious. Considering how rarely that happens.]
... I'll do everything I can to keep that from happening. I always will.
[Even before they admitted this. He would have moved the planets out of orbit if it meant keeping everyone on this team safe -- Allura included.]
[At first, though, he thinks he's said something wrong, when she pulls away. There's an apology ready to spill out. But... suddenly she's leaning into him. He edges over in his seat, enough to give her some space.]
[The moment Shiro made room for her, Allura filled the space, thigh to thigh. She didn't waste anytime making herself comfortable, resting her head in the crook in his neck. Feeling the warmth of his body was pleasant and she closed her eyes a moment.]
Hey. [Allura teasing repeated his words, er... word back at him. She opened her eyes to tilt her head to look at him. They were so close now...] Um... Shiro? If it's not too forward to request.. Would you mind putting an arm around me?
[He has to laugh. What else can he do? She's repeating him and leaning into him. It's nothing like he ever thought would happen. Not between them. Or... between him and anyone.]
[But her "hey" makes him laugh. And it's an oddly free sound.]
I wouldn't mind at all.
[Oh thank Space Lion God something to do with his arm. Like drape it around her shoulders.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[He nods, ducking his head slightly to study the bowl instead.]
As close as we can get, out here. But yeah. [When he laughs a little, it's quiet, more rueful than anything.] One of the things I missed most.
How weird is that?
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I believe I know what you're feeling all too well. [Her tone was low and even.] I would find it more strange if you didn't feel a little homesick.
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[Outwardly, he just winces. And moves to put a hand on her arm. Going for reassuring.]
I'm sorry. I didn't think before I brought it up. [Also quiet. Reserved.] We can change the subject if you want to.
[If she needs to.]
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For a tick she held it there before moving to put the spoon back in the bowl and placed her hand gently over his.]
I'm alright. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss Altea everyday but there are so many more just like me. The galra have taken so much for far too long. Instead of dwelling on circumstances beyond my control, I use that feeling to strengthen my revolve to rid the galaxy of Zarkon and his forces. I do not wish this pain on anyone else.
[Her hands gave Shiro's a little squeeze.]
I promise you, you will see Earth again.
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That's really brave of you to say. And I know you mean it. Every word. [Because of course she does. She absolutely does.] None of us can guess what it feels like. But I want you to know, we're here for you. If you need us.
We're in this fight just as much as you.
[They have her back. She has theirs.]
[And then he shakes his head a little, looking down again.] ... I'd rather the others saw it, to be honest with you. Me? I don't know if there's anything for me to go back to.
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[Just as a smile was returning to her fave, it quickly vanished. Nothing for him to return to? Stopping to think, Allura realized she knew very little of Shiro's past beyond his imprisonment. And even then, it was spotty at best.
Seizing this opportunity to gleam more information about him, Allura leans forward her hand still on his.]
What do you mean you're not sure you'll have anything to return to? Don't you have family?
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[If she weren't here, if she hadn't been there when they stumbled on the Castle, then... well. They'd just be lost in space. They wouldn't have been able to find the other Lions. Nothing.]
[The earnest expression on his face flickers when she turns the conversation back to him, blowing out a breath and pushing a hand through his hair.]
I... don't know if the concept is universal but... [He spreads his hands on the counter.] Technically, legally... I'm as good as dead back home.
Keith told me. Official story is my whole crew was lost. Pilot error. When that happens in space it's -- there's no coming back from that. Not for us.
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[Straightening back up in her chair, Allura had all the air of one of those angry PTA moms ready to storm down to her son's school to give his homeroom teacher a firm talking to.]
You're a hero, Shiro. And you deserve to be welcomed back like one.
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[But still:]
Allura, it's... [It's not okay. He knows that.] They wouldn't believe me even if I tried to tell them. They -- [And he feels his voice falter.] -- didn't.
[It's not something he's talked about. Only the other humans on their team know it.]
Thank you, though. For saying so.
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I'm so sorry. That must have been awful. [Allura again leans toward to lean on the counter to look earnestly at him.] I don't know what will happen after we defeat the galra but you will always have a home here, at the Castle, with me.
[A beat passed before she realized what she just said and her eyes flickered wide as she flounder.]
And Coran! Coran and I. Both of us. Together at the Castle.
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[There's a war going on. There are battles to fight and a team to manage. It's better not to think about it -- not dwell on being there, making it back and... and not finding even a scrap of the help he'd thought he would.]
[It's just for a moment. Just a brief flash of memory -- the desperate moments yelling at actual human beings who should have understood but won't listen, they're just like the aliens, they're... He fades out. He's not there until the words "with me" come up.]
[Mostly because she's just as flustered as he suddenly feels.]
It -- yeah, I. It wouldn't be the Castle without you. [Wait.] You guys.
You and Coran.
[NAILED IT??]
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That thought darted across her mind and Allura felt her face grow warmer. She tried to push it aside.]
Coran and myself come with the Castle as part of the move in deal. [She chuckled.]
I know its far in the future to think about. However I wanted to let you know that you will have a place to fall back on. I know I would appreciate your company. If thats what you wanted.
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[No innuendo or embarrassment or anything meant there, nothing but sincerity. It wouldn't be the Castle without her -- without either of them. This place would just... be empty. Literally and figuratively.]
[Besides... it's hard to picture any kind of life without them. Without her. It's just not something he wants to think about.]
Thank you. And... as of right now, I'm thinking I'll end up taking you up on it.
[Somewhere he didn't have to constantly explain himself, or what they'd all been through out here. He smiles, finally, and, before he can really check himself, puts a hand over hers.]
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But you know what? Life is short. You never know what tomorrow may bring. She might wake up and another 10,000 years may have passed her by leaving everything she knew behind again.
Shifting her weight in her seat, Allura slowly leans in closer as she spoke.]
Shiro, I feel like I must confuse something. I may have... selfish reasons why I want you to stay.
[Just to emphasis her point, the hand under his slide out to lace their fingers together.]
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[Wondering if they feel different than her skin, somehow. And then kicking himself for wondering it, because how dare he? There's nothing appropriate about that thought. She's like their commander. She's... the heart of it all.]
I... [And then there are fingers in his.] Allura...?
[His brain may have short-circuited there.]
Fff Fff swear I can type. This is why I shouldn't write late at night OTL
By this point Allura was leaning halfway across the counter that seperated them, her blue eyes fixed on him trying to read his expression. Shock surely, yet maybe not grasping fully what she was trying to say. Her grip of his hand tightened slightly.]
What I'm trying to say is... I respect you a great deal Shiro. During our time together I have grown fond of you. Beyond the realm of just friendship. I... I habor feelings for you.
[THERE! She said it! Oh quiznak she actually said it! She's not panicking. You're panicking!]
I saw nothing! you're good!
[Honestly, for a minute, he feels like his heart is lodged so firmly in his throat, he could choke. Excitement, uncertainty and a weird sort of hope conspiring to make his one hand go cold.]
[At least there's only one palm to get sweaty.]
I ... [One word scratching its way out of his mouth. Both hands curling around hers, like some precious, vibrant thing. Everything else rushes in, like a tidal wave on his tongue -- how there are so many better people than him, how she deserves better, how...]
I think I'm dreaming. [Here goes. If it's really a dream, this will end like all the others.] Because I've... I care about you, too.
A lot.
[Not... as eloquent as he wanted, but it's. It's a start.]
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When he finally found his words, cupping her hand in his refocused her attention. She involuntarily held her breath, hanging on every word. Half expecting him to add 'but' at the end she hesitated.
But it never came.
Wait. So he does feels the same? Right?... She didn't have the strength to fight the smile that now graced her face.]
I feel like the one that's needs to be pinched. [Shaking her head at herself.] By 'a lot' you mean...?
[Her thought trails off. She needed to confirm.]
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[That's his luck, really.]
[Her hand is suddenly the most interesting thing in the room. Fingers running over her knuckles. Along her own fingers. Just for something to do with himself that doesn't entail fretting over what she's going to say next.]
[When she speaks, his answer is, immediately, a nervous laugh. Something halting and utterly unlike himself.] I uh. I guess that didn't help, huh?
I mean... [He can feel his face heat.] I mean I think I've had those feelings too.
Ever since you gave yourself up for me.
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Oh thank heavens. I thought my heart was going to give out. [Taking a moment to breathe easy, she gazed dotingly at him.] And I would do that again without a second thought.
[Then Allura bent over to place a soft kiss on the back of Shiro's knuckles. In all honestly, she would rather be aiming her lips a little 'higher', but the counter that divided them prevent that. She had half a mind to volt over it to be on the same side as him but... that wouldn't have been the most graceful of maneuvers and there was a high chance of her knocking over the bowl of green noodle cheese spilling it over both of them.]
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You thought your heart was going to give out? I thought I'd pass out. [Or stop breathing. Or both. Both was an option right.]
[... Both seems like it's going to be an option when she combines the touch to his hand, the words. He never thought he could feel too warm and too cold at the same time. His hand doesn't shake, not like he thought it would, when he tilts it, curling over her cheek instead of her hand.]
I don't... ever want you to have to. You mean too much.
[To him, to everyone.]
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You? Pass out? Now that would have been fun to explain to the others why I had to carry your unconscious body back to your room.
[Her lips tugged up into a smirk.]
And I could say the same for you. I hope for both our sakes that we never have to go through that again.
[Ah! This counter needed to go. Even though they were just feet apart, this distance was killing her. Jumping over was out. So the only way was... Reluctantly Allura pulled away from Shiro's touch to slip out of the chair to skate around to the other side, not entirely sure what her plan was once she there. And boy, she was there now.
Without a second thought, Allura just goes in to lean herself against him. Yes, this is much better. ]
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Could just leave me here... say I fell asleep.
[Which is hilarious. Considering how rarely that happens.]
... I'll do everything I can to keep that from happening. I always will.
[Even before they admitted this. He would have moved the planets out of orbit if it meant keeping everyone on this team safe -- Allura included.]
[At first, though, he thinks he's said something wrong, when she pulls away. There's an apology ready to spill out. But... suddenly she's leaning into him. He edges over in his seat, enough to give her some space.]
Hey. [WHERE DOES HE PUT HIS HANDS NOW.]
Just finished S3 omg @A@~
Hey. [Allura teasing repeated his words, er... word back at him. She opened her eyes to tilt her head to look at him. They were so close now...] Um... Shiro? If it's not too forward to request.. Would you mind putting an arm around me?
IT'S A RIDE ALL RIGHT
[But her "hey" makes him laugh. And it's an oddly free sound.]
I wouldn't mind at all.
[Oh thank Space Lion God something to do with his arm. Like drape it around her shoulders.]
IT IS! SOMEONE IS A CLONE JUST WATCH
8C these poor people
Poor Shiro. He cannot catch a break
he'd like 10 breaks and a nap please
We got cryo pods for that
do cryo pods count as a nap
A forced nap? Cause let's face it, he won't rest himself
... truth there
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